I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
