I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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