Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have post one night stand depression
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
