i would punch a child for taco bell
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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