I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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