After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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