ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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