Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
