Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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