I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
