Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
