I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
