I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it glows. i had to have it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
