Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
