Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
