he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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