I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
