the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
