We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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