you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
