i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
