if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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