I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
