I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
