who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
