I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
