She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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