i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
