Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
