Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt