I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
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why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.