Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.