John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.