I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
