i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
