that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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