At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
