I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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