We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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