i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
