Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
her vagine was all disorganized.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
