Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
