who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
