Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
