You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
