he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize