her vagine was all disorganized.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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