sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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