Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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