This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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