So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
