he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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