why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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