I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
