his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
