whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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