She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
