My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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