He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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