I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
