Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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