my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
