His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
